Hilarious Proverbs Modern Funny
Parents can tell but never guide unless they practice what they sermonize.
Life is like a tailor... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Without vision, we are blind to opportunity.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Friendship is what binds the world together in peace, may we all become friends.
It matters not what you do, as long as you are the best one doing it.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
It's great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference.
In golf as in life, it is the follow-through that makes the difference.
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The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
It is only those who never do anything who never make mistakes.
Wise men learn by other men's mistakes, fools by their own.
Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it.
Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction.
False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Silence is one of the most effective forms of communication.
You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life.
Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Patience will come to those who wait for it.
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
Hilarious Proverbs Modern Funny
Modern Funny Hilarious Idioms
The man who walks through the airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Man who farts in church sits on his own bench.
Stand in the bathroom, get heightened on the pot.
A female who dances while wearing a jockstrap has a make-believe ballroom.
A woman who rides bicycles in the city pedal ass all over town.
A girl's best investment is her 'lie-Ability', not a " Liability".
Man with a hole-in purse feels cocky all day.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
The man who runs behind the car gets exhausted.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who eats jellybean fart in technicolor.
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Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Baby conceived on the back seat of a car with automatic transmission grow up to be a shiftless bastard.
A woman who cooks beans and peas in the same pot is very unsanitary.
Kotex is not the best thing on earth, but the next to the best thing.
A man who marries a girl with no bust has the right to feel low down.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
A man who speaks with a forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in the middle of the desert.
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.
A man who sneezes without a hanky takes matters into his own hands.
He who eats too many prunes sits on the toilet many moons.
Man who drops watches in the toilet is bound to have a shitty time.
The man who flies the plane upside down has a crackup.
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who eats prunes gets a good run for the money.
A wife who put her husband in the doghouse soon finds him in the cathouse.
A man who fights with his wife all day gets no piece at night.
Man with one chopstick goes hungry.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
A man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think.
"A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.".
"You never test the depth of a river with both feet."
"Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand."
"The believer is happy. The doubter is wise."
It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going to.
Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato—the best part of him is underground.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.
A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
He who never made a mistake made a discovery.
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
Modern Funny Hilarious Idioms
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answered accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"The only reason we're 7-0 is that we've won all seven of our games."
- David Garcia, baseball team manager
"Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983
"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records rejecting the Beatles, in 1962
"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated
"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach
"Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon."
- Detroit Daily News
"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
- Dizzy Dean explained how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
there?"
- Driver school applicant
"The world is more like it is now than it ever has before."
- Dwight Eisenhower
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman
"Boxing’s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.
Funny Quotes Stupid Quotes
Hilarious & Stupid Quotes - Most lies about blondes are false.
"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager
"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player
Hilarious & Stupid Quotes - Most lies about blondes are false.
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President
"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach
"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
Funny Quotes
"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield